by Anthony Calabria (January 10, 2010)

It was another dominating season for the Las Vegas Clowns, capped off by a 4th championship in the finals against New Orleans.  So it’s no surprise that they finish the year where they started, as the #1 team.  In this final edition of Maniak Monthly’s rankings, we will assess each team’s finish, including their prospects for next season.

Yin Conference

1. New Orleans (7-6): Rodgers is only getting better, the running game is solid, and Austin emerged as a star.  Outlook for 2010 (on a scale of 1-10): 8

2. Tampa Bay (9-4): If Favre returns, definitely a title contender, but they have a lot of young stars and should be able to replace him if he chooses to retire again.  Outlook for 2010: 8

3. New York (8-4-1): Finally made it to the playoffs, now they need to get Brown and Slaton healthy and find stability at quarterback.  Outlook for 2010: 7

4. St. Louis (6-7): Faded after a strong start, now they must let either Romo or Clark go.  Smart money’s on them keeping Romo.  Outlook for 2010: 6

5. Philadelphia (6-7): Brees had another amazing season, but was this the end for Westbrook and Owens?  Outlook for 2010: 5

6. Houston (4-9): A disappointing season in Texas has put this team in rebuilding mode.  Some promising young talent in Wells and Jackson.  Outlook for 2010: 4

7. New England (3-9-1): Brady should be back, but not much else and they don’t have many picks to replenish the roster.  On the positive side, they should have plenty of cap space which if used wisely, could help them rebuild quickly.  Outlook for 2010: 3

8. Washington (2-11): Went downhill after 2-1 start, need to find help for Big Ben and improve the running game.  Outlook for 2010: 2

Yang Conference

1. Las Vegas (12-1): It’s hard to see this team getting complacent as they continue to dominate year after year.  Short of a meltdown in the next six months, they’re not going anywhere.  Outlook for 2010: 10

2. Golden State (11-2): Only team to beat Vegas this year should be a title contender once again, with Rice breaking out as a star.  A healthy Turner should be back in top form next season.  Outlook for 2010: 9

3. Springfield (10-3): Armed with a high 1st pick, the Isotopes should find another potent weapon to join stars McNabb, Williams, Boldin, and Jennings.  Outlook for 2010: 8

4. Denver (7-6): Assuming the Katz hold on to one of their QB’s, they could be a sleeper in 2010.  Look for them to add to the running game and give Stewart more opportunities.  Outlook for 2010: 6

5. Detroit (6-7): Somehow managed to stay in playoff contention for most of the season despite subpar offense, will need help everywhere except for D.  Outlook for 2010: 4

6. Seattle (4-9): Probably will search for a passer and need a completely receiving corps, but strong trio of backs in Jackson, Charles, and Moreno.  Outlook for 2010: 5

7. Columbus (4-9): Season opened with great promise but collapsed in a hurry.  They should look to deal from strength and move a QB for help elsewhere.  Outlook for 2010: 4

8. Green Bay (4-9): Some young talent here, but Sanchez will need to grow up in a hurry to make them a contender.  Outlook for 2010: 3

The Mustangs’ downfall started with three straight division losses at the end of 2008 when they seemingly had a playoff spot locked up, and continued into 2009 with a 1-5 start.  Then the running game began to show signs of life, led by rookie Chris Wells and starter Ryan Grant, and Houston ended the regular season on a high note, edging out St. Louis to deny them a playoff berth.  Still, they finished last in the division, and with Tampa Bay and New Orleans streaking down the stretch, Houston will not be expected to contend for the playoffs unless they add some significant pieces.  Will Wolf and Holmgren find the right mix once again?

by Anthony Calabria (January 3, 2010)

     The Clowns are back on top of the league, and it’s easy to see why as they lead MFL in All-Stars once again.  QB Peyton Manning, RB Chris Johnson, and RB Adrian Peterson were unanimous selections and three wide receivers made it as well.  In the Yin Conference, QB Drew Brees was the only repeat selection.  He narrowly beat New Orleans QB Aaron Rodgers, who led the Sharks to a runner-up finish this season. 

Thanks to everyone for voting, here is the 4th edition of the All-Stars:

Yin Conference

QB-Drew Brees, Philadelphia (7 votes)

RB-Cedric Benson, Tampa Bay (7 votes)

RB-(tie) Thomas Jones, New Orleans; Maurice Jones-Drew, New York (5 votes)

WR-Miles Austin, New Orleans (6 votes)

WR-Vincent Jackson, Philadelphia (6 votes)

Flex-DeSean Jackson, Houston (5 votes)

TE-Vernon Davis, Tampa Bay (5 votes)

K-Nate Kaeding, Washington (6 votes)

Honorable mention-QB Aaron Rodgers, New Orleans (5 votes), QB Brett Favre, Tampa Bay (2 votes), WR Sidney Rice, New England (2 votes)

Yang Conference

QB-Peyton Manning, Las Vegas (7 votes)

RB-Chris Johnson, Las Vegas (7 votes)

RB-Adrian Peterson, Las Vegas (7 votes)

WR-Larry Fitzgerald, Las Vegas (5 votes)

WR-(tie) Andre Johnson, Las Vegas; Reggie Wayne, Las Vegas (5 votes)

Flex-Ray Rice, Golden State (6 votes)

TE-Brent Celek, Golden State (4 votes)

K-David Akers, Columbus (4 votes)

Honorable mention-QB Matt Schaub, Denver (3 votes), WR Calvin Johnson, Las Vegas (2 votes), WR Brandon Marshall, Green Bay (2 votes), WR Randy Moss, Las Vegas (2 votes), TE Antonio Gates, Las Vegas (2 votes), K Rob Bironas, Denver (2 votes)

The Clowns are back on top after cruising to their 4^th MFL Championship in 5 years over the New Orleans Sharks Sunday, finally getting revenge for a disappointing loss in Fantasy Bowl II. Rivers was able to step right in for the sidelined Manning and lead the Clowns to their second best offensive performance of the season. Once Rivers, Gates, and Chris Johnson got them off to a hot 1^st quarter start, they never looked back. Randy Moss added an impressive 3 touchdown receptions while their defense added a td of their own. It was Chris Johnson, though, who takes home the Fantasy Bowl MVP trophy. Las Vegas coach Jon Gruden was so elated (and probably drunk) after the game that he accidently announced to a reporter about his intention to take the whole team out to an exclusive, anything-goes strip club after the game. Needless to say, he had to deal with a lot of angry wives (and mistresses) – not to mention possible league fines. For one more year though, the Las Vegas Clowns are the reigning champions of the MFL.

Here’s a look at everything that’s happened this post-season:

MFL Playoffs

Toilet Bowl

Run of the Mill Bowl

MFL Fantasy Bowl VIII: New Orleans Sharks vs. Las Vegas Clowns

MFL Toilet Bowl VIII: Green Bay Predators vs. Washington Warlords

MFL Run of the Mill Bowl Champion: St. Louis Outlaws

New Orleans Sharks @ Tampa Bay Terrapins: 84-41

After putting up a stinker last week, Aaron Rodgers came back with a vengeance on Sunday, nearly single-handedly beating the Tampa Terrapins with his best performance of the season. He finished the game with an impressive 383 yards, 3 touchdowns, plus another one on the ground. Miles Austin was the main beneficiary of the air assault, hauling in 7 catches for 139 yards and a score. New Orleans’ defense deserves much of the credit though, holding Tampa to a measly 41 points, their lowest point total since week 3’s matchup against none other than these same Sharks. Sunday’s game actually bore a striking resemblance to their week 3 showdown which finished 84-36 in favor of the Sharks, once again behind a dazzling performance from Rodgers. Brett Favre’s recent routine of fading down the stretch bears a lot of responsibility for the Terrapins no show on Sunday. He was even almost benched at one point during the game, and was caught on camera arguing with coach Gary Williams. It’s unclear whether Favre will return for next season.

Golden State Storm @ Las Vegas Clowns: 70-101

I have a feeling there are going to be some repercussions for the amount of shit-talking Peyton had to endure from younger brother Eli this past year, possibly even beyond the uconn’ing as per their ongoing bet. Peyton sure came out firing in this one, and along with the first big game from Reggie Wayne in a while, put the Clowns up big early. After that, they never looked back. Andre Johnson tacked on a whopping 196 yards receiving, while Gates and Fitzgerald tacked on a couple of short touchdowns. Eli actually played pretty well, getting the ball repeatedly to Steve Smith and Sims-Walker, but he just couldn’t keep up with the experience and poise from older brother Peyton. Las Vegas now takes their rightful place back in the Fantasy Bowl for what should hopefully be a thrilling rematch of Fantasy Bowl II between two of the original owners.

MFL Playoffs:

Black Conference Championship: New Orleans Sharks (8-6) @ Tampa Bay Terrapins (9-4)

White Conference Championship: Golden State Storm (12-2) @ Las Vegas Clowns (12-1)

5^th Place Consolation Match: New York Rockets @ Springfield Isotopes

Run of the Mill Bowl: St. Louis Outlaws (7-7) @ Philadelphia Longhorns (7-7)

Consolation: Detroit Wolfpack @ Denver Mountain Katz

Toilet Bowl:

Round 2:

Green Bay Predators @ New England Thunderbirds

Houston Mustangs @ Washington Warlords

Consolation:

Columbus Dragons @ Seattle Slayers

Now for the wildcard playoff recap:

New Orleans Sharks @ New York Rockets: 75-45

New Orleans took an early lead behind another barreling performance from recently acquired Thomas Jones and never looked back. Jacobs added another touchdown on the ground, living up to his trash talking of the New York fans before the game. The best part was when he started chanting Washington back at the crowd (making fun of the Rockets for their embarrassing loss to the Warlords earlier this season, the worst team in the MFL this year). Fred Davis also continued his unsung role in the Sharks recent success being a beast in the red zone, catching two big touchdown passes. He now has 4 touchdowns in the last 3 weeks. New Orleans will need another big game from Davis this week if they hope to knock off the Terrapins in Tampa this week. The Rockets’ D sure put a fight, including returning one of Rodgers interceptions for a 70-yard touchdowns, and Mojo added a td in usual fashion, but they were unable to keep the game even close.

Golden State Storm @ Springfield Isotopes: 73-65

This rivalry just keeps growing, but for the 2^nd straight year, Golden State has knocked off the Isotopes in dramatic fashion. Perennial disappointment Alex Smith, only playing because Eli had been knocked out before the game by Springfield QB McNabb, led the Storm to a thrilling 4^th quarter comeback. Boldin then fumbled away any chance of a Springfield comeback. Ray Rice deserves most of the credit for Golden State though, as he hustled for 166 yards and a score on the ground plus an additional 53 through the air. Now the Storm need to get ready to take on the force that is the Las Vegas Clowns.

Denver Mountain Katz @ St. Louis Outlaws: 63-90

Philadelphia Longhorns @ Detroit Wolfpack: 60-54

Green Bay Predators (4-9) @ Seattle Slayers (4-9): 74-32

Houston Mustangs (4-9) @ Columbus Dragons (4-9): 72-19

Random Notes:

First, I want to apologize to the Terrapins for continually referring to them by their old moniker, the Piranhas. A playoff appearance and first-round bye have earned them the right to be referred to by their proper name.

On a completely unrelated note, I just thought this sign in the Warlords locker room was funny.

Also, in case you haven’t heard, ex-Denver receiver Chris Henry has been hospitalized for serious injuries sustained from falling out of the bed of a pickup truck being driven by his fiancée after some sort of domestic dispute. He is suffering from a lot more than just the public humiliation endured by Tiger after his similar ordeal though. Sports wives are really starting to put up a fight against their philandering spouses.

Tampa errupted in cheers Monday night as the clock hit 0 and the Terps clinched the South Division and the first round bye in the playoffs.  After standing on a table and chugging a bottle of Andre, Owner/GM Oster made an issue to the press.  “I promised you victory when I came here, and I now fulfilled that.  Next stop, the Fantasy Bowl!”  He then paused, and glared at the representative from the league.  “Oh, and we’re from Tampa, and we’re called the Terps.  When the Ravens won the Super Bowl, you didn’t hear about the Cleveland Browns winning the Bowl, did you?  So recognize!”

MFL Playoffs:

Black Conference:

Wildcard playoff: New Orleans Sharks (7-6) @ New York Rockets (8-4-1)

Winner plays Palm Beach Piranhas (9-4) in the Conference Championship

White Conference:

Wildcard Playoff: Golden State Storm (11-2) @ Springfield Isotopes (10-3)

Winner plays Las Vegas Clowns (12-1) in the Conference Championship

Run of the Mill Bowl:

Round 1:

Philadelphia Longhorns (6-7) @ Detroit Wolfpack (6-7)

Denver Mountain Katz (7-6) @ St. Louis Outlaws (6-7)

Toilet Bowl:

Round 1:

Green Bay Predators (4-9) @ Seattle Slayers (4-9)

Houston Mustangs (4-9) @ Columbus Dragons (4-9)

Round 2:

Better Record @ New England Thunderbirds (3-9-1)

Worse Record @ Washington Warlords (2-11)

As no game this past week had any significant playoff impact, we’re instead going to take a look forward to the playoff matchups.

Golden State Storm @ Springfield Isotopes

The Storm have a lot of questions brewing for this game. Do you stick with the horse that got you here in Eli or do you turn the reins over to the hot youngster, Alex Smith? Will Michael Turner be healthy for the game? If so, they’ll likely have to start two tight ends. How will their defense fare without Polamalu? However, luckily for them, this week presents a good matchup for Ray Rice and their fearsome threesome of receivers.

The Isotopes aren’t bereft of questions themselves though, particularly the health of star running back DeAngelo Williams. However, even if Williams can’t go, I think Springfield will get their revenge for last year’s wildcard loss behind big games from Addai, Boldin, and the defense. I think the game will be close though, maybe even as close as last season’s 1-point affair. Ray Rice and Colston are due for big games, but I just don’t see it being enough.

New Orleans Sharks @ New York Rockets

This one should be close as well. The Rockets have an extremely strong duo of RBs in MoJo and Mendenhall, who are both due for big weeks. The problem is, with injuries to Brown, Slaton, and Bowe’s suspension, the rest of their team is sorely lacking skill players. In order to advance, they are going to need big games from their rookies, Mike Wallace and Jermichael Finley.

The Sharks, on the other hand, are starting to gel at just the right time. After getting no production from the wide receiver position all season, Miles Austin and Percy Harvin have really stepped it up, playing like legitimate #1 and #2 threats the past few weeks. The question is, can they keep it up or has this just been a brief mirage? The recent acquisition of Thomas Jones has also added an extra dimension to their team, allowing them to take some pressure off the Frenchman and Jacobs. All things considered, I see Aaron Rodgers and company prevailing in this one, setting up a rematch with the division rival Piranhas for the Conference Championship.

The Rockets also clinched the Eastern division title this week with a tie in New England. The bye and home-field advantage are still up for grabs though, with the Rockets needing a win and a Piranha loss in order to steal it from Palm Beach. So now that the playoffs are pretty much set, let’s take a glimpse at how it looks:

Black Conference:

Bye: Palm Beach Piranhas / New York Rockets

Wildcard Playoff: Rockets/Piranhas vs. New Orleans Sharks

White Conference:

Bye: Las Vegas Clowns

Wildcard Playoff: Golden State Storm vs. Springfield Isotopes

Now let’s get to the recap.

Piranhas (8-4) vs. Outlaws (6-6): 102-86

As dominantly as the Piranhas played, St. Louis actually put up quite an impressive performance as well, topping 80 points for the first time this season behind strong games from Romo, Mason, Garcon, and Dallas Clark. However, it just wasn’t enough to stop Favre’s brilliant 392 yard, 3 touchdown game. LT also continues to find his way into the endzone, despite not really being able to run for more than 3 yards anymore. It’s actually kind of depressing to watch when you think back to how spectacular he used to be. Now they just need to hope they get a fully healthy Cedric Benson back in time for the playoffs (wow, that seems odd to say). Although they could use him this week as well as they try to clinch a first round bye against the Sharks. As for the Outlaws, a year after their magical run to the MFL Championship game, they look destined to sit at home come playoff time this year barring an absolute miracle.

Sharks (7-5) vs. Houston Mustangs (3-9): 114-58

In what used to be one of the biggest rivalries in the MFL, the Sharks absolutely demolished the Mustangs Sunday, scoring a season-high 114 points, nearly clinching the wildcard spot in the Black. From the get go, they looked unstoppable in this one as Aaron Rodgers and Miles Austin lit up the scoreboard. Almost everyone got in on the action this week though, as only Jacobs was held without a touchdown. The defense also continued to put up impressive numbers behind 2 sacks and an interception by stud Jared Allen. They continue to be one the most consistent and best units in the league. The Sharks are starting to gel at just the right time, as Rodgers continues to get better and better, while they are finally starting to find some consistency from the wide receiver position. As long as they can put forth a decent showing this week, they’ll find themselves in the wildcard playoff game in Week 14.

Rockets (7-4-1) vs. Thunderbirds (2-9-1): 40-40

In a thrilling game, New York picked off Tom Brady in the final moments to seal their division crown with a tie. After an unlucky season filled with heartbreaking losses last year, it’s nice to see the Rockets clinch their playoff berth behind an outstanding running game this year. However, for the playoffs, they are going to have to fight through without the services of Ronnie Brown and with a shaky Steve Slaton, putting a lot of pressure on the young Mendenhall and the newly acquired Carson Palmer. However, Jason Campbell has also been seen taking some reps with the first-team offense, leading to some speculation about who will be leading the team in the playoffs.

Warlords (2-10) vs. Longhorns (6-6): 59-79

Drew Brees almost single-handedly kept the Longhorns’ playoff hopes alive with a spectacular 371 yard, 5 touchdown performance on only 23 passes. Ridiculous. And this was against a solid defense as well. Owens and a good defensive performance added enough to allow Philly to cruise to victory. They are going to need some magic though in order to make the playoffs, needing a win, New Orleans loss, and to score 29+ more points than them. They’ll be counting on Brees to put forth a repeat performance.

Storm (10-2) vs. Mountain Katz (7-5): 59-44

Kurt Warner was declared inactive minutes before game time, throwing a knife into Denver’s offensive plans. Maroney and Driver both played really well, but it just wasn’t enough. Maroney has actually turned around his career a little recently. Still not looking great, but he is finding the endzone, which is definitely something. He still takes too much time in the backfield deciding what to do though. Also, in case you haven’t heard this story by now, this might help explain a little about the awesomeness that is Laurence Maroney. Anyone that can pull off a kool-aid man chain around his neck is cool by me.

As for the Storm, they’re just hoping Eli can figure his shit out in time for the playoffs. If not, they might have to play the matchups, mixing in the young trio of Smith, Freeman, and Stafford.

Dragons (4-8) vs. Predators (3-9): 49-73

Slayers (4-8) vs. Clowns (11-1): 53-85

Isotopes (9-3) vs. Wolfpack (6-6): 47-38

First off, I want to apologize to the Clowns for jinxing their perfect season. On second thought, I’m not sorry. No one wants to see someone else run the table. Just like everybody else, I’d like to be the first team to reach perfection, yet the closest I’ve come is stopping the Isotopes in MFL’s inaugural season. The Storm have also now officially entrenched themselves as a large thorn in Las Vegas’ side. They are now 3-1 in the team’s last 4 meetings. This after the Clowns dominated them for so long. The Storm even now have an off chance at winning the division, although that is still quite unlikely. For all intents and purposes, the White Conference will shake out just like last year, with the Clowns earning a bye, while the Isotopes and Storm battle it out in the Wildcard round.

Even after this week though, the Black is still very much up for grabs. The Rockets have pretty much won the East, but the Piranhas, Sharks, Outlaws, and Longhorns are still very much battling it out for the final two spots. If the season ended today, the Piranhas would take the Southern Division crown while the Sharks would sneak into the wildcard spot, but despite only two games remaining, every possible combination of those five teams is still plausible.

Clowns (10-1) vs. Storm (9-2): 68-91

If Eli can keep anywhere near this level into the playoffs, Golden State definitely has a chance to repeat. The younger Manning took to the air this week against Las Vegas throwing for 384 yards and 3 touchdowns. His receivers didn’t hurt him either, led by free agent sensation Mike Sims-Walker’s 91 yards and a score. The Clowns will look to redeem themselves this week against the Slayers.

Outlaws (6-5) vs. Sharks (6-5): 57-76

New Orleans continued their hot play of late gaining their 5th straight victory to grab the lead in the wildcard hunt over the rival Outlaws. Aaron Rodgers and Percy Harvin led the assault this week, buoyed by a solid performance from the ground game and defense. Both of these teams will be fighting hard for that wildcard spot during the last 2 weeks. The Outlaws face a near do or die game against the red hot Piranhas this week. Don’t count the Longhorns out yet either.

Longhorns (5-6) vs. Thunderbirds (2-9): 81-78

The Thunderbirds have actually shown a lot of improvement lately, led mainly by Brady’s resurgence back to near pre-injury form and Sidney Rice’s emergence into an elite receiver. But even that wasn’t enough to stop the hard fighting Longhorns who were able to keep their playoff hopes alive for at least one more week. Terrell Owens, who finally decided to show up, was the MVP of this game for Philly. Not that Drew Brees’ standard brilliance hurt. However, they still to win out to have any chance at a playoff berth, meaning they need to beat Washington this week, followed by a very strong New York team in Week 13.

Mustangs (3-8) vs. Piranhas (7-4): 68-74

The Piranhas won their 5th straight to maintain the division lead and nearly clinch a playoff berth behind a spectacular game from old man Favre’s 4 touchdowns. Vernon Davis added a fantastic end zone grab, while LeSean McCoy continues to improve week by week. It all comes down to these next 2 weeks for Palm Beach though as they have to play both division rivals, St. Louis and New Orleans, needing to win just one to clinch their first playoff appearance.

Isotopes (8-3) vs. Predators (2-9): 90-56

Dragons (4-7) vs. Wolfpack (6-5): 33-42

Slayers (4-7) vs. Mountain Katz (7-4): 56-77

Rockets (7-4) vs. Warlords (2-9): 72-64